Parosmia Lessons

 For the last 6 months, I have suffered from a long Covid disorder called parosmia.   For those of you who aren't familiar with this, parosmia causes smell and taste distortion.   It varies from person to person but for me,  food can taste like fruity sewage, chemicals, or just plain rotten.   It's really hard to describe.     There are some foods that taste completely normal, but finding those magical foods has been trial and error with a lot of error.    My diet has been extremely limited for the past six months and it's been a trying time to say the least, but like most difficult experiences, I have learned a few things along the way about food and eating that I'd like to share:

1.   Fancy food is not all that it's cracked up to be.

        I think everyone had that conversation in middle school about what would be your last meal if you ever found yourself on death row.    You know you've had this conversation at some point, don't deny it.  For me, I always went fancy.   Maybe it's because I grew up on the north shore of Massachusetts but I always said, "Lobster, clams, a baked potato and corn on the cob" (side note:  I would use the butter that I dipped the lobster and clams in to pour over the potato and corn, making it "fancy").    About a month ago I had the sudden realization that if I was on death row right now, or dying for any other reason, I would not be able to enjoy my "last meal".   This kind of devastated me.    What if I could never enjoy food again?   The thing is that I wasn't at all upset that I wouldn't be able to eat lobster again.  It didn't even enter my mind.    What did I want?   I am saying this without even a morsel of sarcasm, what I miss, what I really miss is a good Italian sub with extra pickles from the local grocery store.   I would also love a bowl of Brigham's peppermint stick ice-cream with hot fudge.  Nothing fancy.   Fancy didn't even make the top ten.  Who knew?

2.  You can lose weight eating anything

        For the two years before the pandemic I was on a paleo diet (meat and veggies only) and I lost about 50 pounds.   During the pandemic, when I craved sugar and carbs desperately, I gained it all back, plus some.   When I started having parosmia, there were a lot of healthy foods that I could no longer eat, including the meat and vegetables that were the most essential part of the paleo diet.   What could I eat?   I could eat dairy, milk, cheese and ice-cream.  I could eat some carbs, like cookies and breads.  I could eat carbs with dairy, like mac and cheese or stuffed shells.   I think you get the picture.   In any case, my days frequently started with a bowl of Frosted Flakes and ended with a bowl of vanilla ice cream with a lot of cookies in between.   Even with this horrendous diet I have managed to lose 35 lbs.    That being said, this is not a diet I would EVER recommend and I would NEVER choose to lose weight this way.  It has been absolutely horrific.   I don't think Frosted Flakes and ice cream ever make any list of diet food but it is possible to eat them and still lose weight.  Just saying.

Note:   If you ever see me in real life please don't say, "It's great that you've lost all that weight though."  Nothing about this is great.

3.   An apple (or a pear, apples taste yucky) a day will indeed keep the doctor away

        Sure.  You can lose weight eating Frosted Flakes but you're not going to feel very good.   After a month of letting myself just eat whatever tasted good, it's true that I was losing weight quickly but felt like crap.   It turns out that things like vegetables and protein are important for reasons other than losing weight.   So I kind of forced myself to eat healthy food and by trial and error found some things that I can tolerate.   I also started taking vitamins.   Did I give up the Frosted Flakes?  No way.  But I added things like pears, broccoli, and salmon to my diet and started feeling a lot better.

4.  "Life is short.  Eat the Cake." - Meghan March. (but not chocolate cake because that's yucky too)

        I have spent much of my adult life trying to lose weight.  I have tried every fad diet.   I have tried every kind of exercise.   Some of it has worked, some of it hasn't.   Some of it I have hated every minute of, and some has added joy to my life.    And here is the MOSt important lesson I have learned from having parosmia - life is just too damn short to deprive yourself of anything that brings you joy.   Now I am not encouraging a slothful or gluttonous lifestyle but I am saying that I will NEVER eliminate a food from my diet again, if it brings me joy.   NEVER.  Maybe I don't need to eat a lot of it, or eat it every day, but why make myself miserable.  The same goes for exercise.  I love riding my bike.  It's a great way to exercise.   There is no reason to exercise in a way that makes you miserable.   You don't have to be miserable to be healthy.

5.  What I really miss is people.

        So much of our social life revolves around food.   "Do you want to meet for lunch?" "Do you want to meet for drinks or dinner?" we ask friends when we miss them.   We catch up and laugh over margaritas or a plate of nachos.   We share a sinful dessert.   We connect with the people we love and food is right there in the center of the table.   I haven't gone to many restaurants since I've had parosmia, because the smells are overwhelming, but again, it's not the food I really miss.  I miss the camaraderie of a shared meal.    I miss seeing my friends eyes light up when they share a story, or the same eyes filling with tears when they discuss something that makes their hearts overflow with worry or love.   I miss it so, so much.

Having parosmia has been absolutely devastating but it has taught me a thing or two that I hope to bring with me when it finally makes its most welcome leave.

And, by the way, if you ever hear that I'm on death row, please feel free to bring me an Italian sub with extra pickles and a bowl of peppermint stick ice-cream with hot fudge for my last meal and pull up a stool and join me for this very ordinary meal, because your company is what makes this life extraordinary.

You can leave the broccoli at home though.  I am on death row after all, health is not my priority.