Corona Letters #66 - Dreams, Friends, and the Super Bowl

Dreams

 

Ever since the pandemic started last year, I have been having these disconcerting dreams.   I wouldn't call them nightmares, they are just the kind of dreams that leave me feeling unsettled.   The most common dream is that we are moving to another house (usually a house that is not as nice, and in a sketchy neighborhood).    I feel so very sad to be leaving our house, and our beloved neighbors.   I don't want to go.   Some nights I dream that we have moved and left most of our belongings at our old home, and can't go back to retrieve them.   I'm devastated.   I'm at a loss.

And then I wake up.

For a long time I have wished I would stop having these dreams.  There have been nights when I don't want to fall asleep for fear of these dreams.   I have been mad at my subconscious for adding stress to an already difficult time.

Then yesterday, after waking up from such a dream I had an epiphany.

My subconcious is not adding stress to my life, it's actually adding much needed relief.   Every morning when I wake up, I am grateful to be in my own bed, in our homey house, with my wonderful clutter of too many things.   I am grateful that my neighbors are still my neighbors, and I can easily run over for a cup of sugar, or a driveway chat.

The first thing I feel when I open my eyes is gratitude and not "Oh jeez.  Here we go again, another day of isolation and pandemic."

This is actually incredible.

Thank you subconscious for this gift.(but maybe you could take it down a notch?  How about a dream where I can't find my favorite sweatpants?  I promise, I will still make up grateful)

Friends

There are probably less than 10 people that I talk/communicate with on a regular basis during this unprecedented time.  My "bubble" if you will.   

We check on each other, go for walks through the woods, have group texts, acknowledge each others birthdays, etc.

We are seeing each other through this time, even though we might not be seeing each other much at all.

We carry each other.

That being said, there are people I miss terribly.   People that pre-pandemic were a big part of my life, but now as we are all muddling through this mess, seem to have fallen into, for lack of better terms, into a friendship purgatory.    It's neither here nor there.    We don't talk much these days, but we also still value the friendship.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who said that it was strange that with so much time on our hands, we don't keep in touch with friends as well as one might think we would.

It's true.

The past year has been mentally and physically draining.   We only have so much energy in reserve.  So we have made our worlds very small and manageable.   It's all we can do to get through these days.

I look forward to the day when these bubbles can be burst and we emerge from this purgatory.  We can all once again freely mingle and see ALL our people.

The Super Bowl

Super Bowl parties just won't be a thing this year (at least for people who believe in science).   

However, I am more excited about the Super Bowl this year than I have been in years.

This is strange because I really don't care about football and I don't think I've watched a single game this season.

These are the reasons I am looking forward to it:

1.  It's something to do other than trying to find yet another series on Netflix to watch.

2.  I'm excited to hear Amanda Gorman's poem(I mean, who isn't?)

3.  I'm curious about the commercials, and I am hoping that they will make me laugh and cry at all we have endured this year (maybe I'm aiming too high).

4. My husband will make his homemade White Castle burgers.

5. It will give a sense of normalcy to an abnormal time.

6. It will give us something to talk about other than the pandemic and politics.

That's it I guess.   I really don't care about the football part, but I guess they have to broadcast something between commercials.

Perhaps I'll doze off during the football parts and I'll start to dream.   I'll dream about sitting in a freezing cold football stadium with screaming, unmasked fans all around me.   Maybe I'll dream that everyone I've ever known is in the stands too, and we are all so cold, with no way to get warm.    There are just so many people that one can't even make one's way out of the stadium, and into the warmth.   The people are all too close, so close that you can see their breath,  and all its associated "droplets" are invading my personal space.   I want to leave but there is no way.  I just can't.

Then I'll awake to my quiet world.   I'll see my husband at the other end of the couch, near the fire, watching the game, with a beer in his hand.  I'll hear my dog gently snoring.   I'll feel warm.   I'll know that so many friends, far and near, are similarly situated, warm and safe.

And, I'll be grateful.