Corona Letters #65 - It's not me, it's you

Dear CoVid-19,

Yes.  I'm using your scientific name.   And yes, you should be worried.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to you when I say that I am really, really done with this relationship.  Yes, it's been almost a year and no, I see no reason to stay together so we can celebrate our first anniversary.   Truth is, most of our relationship I've been avoiding you, and yet you control so much of my life.    Ever since you came around, I haven't been able to see my friends and family.   Air travel has become extremely risky with you in the picture, and because of you, other countries won't even let me come for a visit.

Also, I want to address something before you even bring it up, this is NOT about race.   I do not care in the least that you might have originated in China, and that now you have found new versions of yourself in England and South Africa, amongst other places.   It has nothing to do with where you are from, or the color of your viral envelope or spike proteins.   You should probably know that no matter where you travel, no one wants to be associated with you or have their countries name connected to one of your new variant identities.

To be quite honest, I think you might be a narcissist.   Have you noticed that pretty much everything in the last year has been about you?    

Wash your groceries because of CoVid!

Wear a mask because of CoVid!

Don't see your elderly relatives because of CoVid!

Work from home because of CoVid!

Don't go trick or treating because of CoVid!

Don't have a Thanksgiving get together because of CoVid!

Don't see relatives over Christmas because of.......can you guess?

And, in my entire life I have never seen anyone clear out Times Square on New Years Eve quite the way you did.  Seriously.  That must have been quite a power trip.   It might even be impressive if you weren't leaving such devastation in your wake.

My relationship with you is starting to effect my other relationships too.  My husband (yes, you knew about him) is home ALL the time.  He used to go to work every day but now he's home pretty much 24/7. He busies himself by making all the lights in our house "smart" and changing random passwords, making it impossible for me to simply turn on a light or use the printer!   He does make a great loaf of bread, but CoVid, I don't need the carbs.

I could probably cope better with my omnipresent spouse if I could go out and DO something.   Friends don't want me to come over in case you are with me, restaurants have made it clear that you are not welcome to dine in their establishments, and I can just forget about ever going into the city.   You've made a real mess of the cities, their hospitals are overflowing with people who can't see to get you out of their systems.  Please.  Just go away.

My only escape these days is the grocery store and you've even made that difficult.    Sometimes I have to stand in line just to go inside just because of you.   Also, your mere presence has turned your average shopper into a hoarding lunatic.   Toilet paper, cleaning spray, and aluminum foil can sometimes be impossible to find.  To compound the frustration, it's winter in New England, when, with any impending snow storm, people grab all the milk, eggs and bread that they can.  Between you and the weather, the aisles in the grocery store can be pretty barren at times (I will deal with the weather seperately).   Whenever I return from the grocery store, I have to make sure that you didn't hitchhike into the house on a box of Cheerios by airing out and sanitizing my groceries in the garage (ok, I haven't done this in months, but the fact that I had to do it at all is infuriating).

Finally, I gotta admit that I'm a little bit salty that the only way I can see anyone other than my beloved, ALWAYS present husband is by going for a walk outside.   My Fitbit can't handle all this walking!  Also, it's very cold outside.  Did I mention it was winter?   I just want to sit by a fire, with a cup of tea (and maybe a cookie) and talk to a friend in the warmth of a home.  But NOOOOOO!!  You won't have it.  What a jerk!

Before you tell me that it will be spring soon and I can host "socially distant" get togethers in my backyard, let me tell you that I hope you are LONG gone by then.   There's a new vaccine in town and she's aiming to get rid of the likes of you!  She is a little tricky to find, but we're working on getting her into our systems!  I guarantee you that once this vaccine makes herself available to us, it'll be the end of you.  

 So, this is goodbye.  Kind of.   I'm not really sure how to do this.   I've never broken up with a plague before.   Just know that even if you continue you to hang around, or if you go all John Cusack and stand outside my window with a big ole boom box, you aren't welcome around here anymore.  This thing between you and me?  It's just not working.   And please, can I advise you to NOT see other people?  I assure you that everyone has heard of you and no one wants anything to do with your crazy antics.   I've learned a lot from this relationship but I haven't enjoyed a single minute of it.  Feel free to go now.

,

Deb

P.S.  My mother never liked you