Corona Letters #64 - Excuses that don't quite work during a Pandemic

We are all familiar with the excuses people use all the time to get out of work/school.  Some of these just don't cut it during a pandemic:

1.  It Snowed

Person who attends gym:   I'm sorry! I won't be able to work out today.  It snowed a lot last night and I'm snowed in.

Trainer:   Hmmm.   It's a good thing your work out is over Zoom.   See you at 10!

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2.  Wi-Fi is Down

Employee:   Hi!   I don't think I can make the three hour zoom meeting(read: terribly boring) this afternoon, my wi-fi is down.

Boss:  How are you calling me on FaceTime then?

Employee:  Well, my phone has LTE/4G

Boss:   Zoom will work just fine on your phone then!  See you at 2!

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3.  The dog ate my homework

Student:   Sorry Miss (insert teachers last name here), my dog ate my homework so I can't turn it in today.

Teacher:   Ummmm,  We are doing everything on-line.  There are no paper assignments.   I expect to see your homework by the end of the day!

P.S.  Please don't feed your tablet to the dog.  That is school property!

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4.  I'm injured

Student:  Sorry!  I sprained my ankle and the Doctor said I have to keep it elevated all day so I won't be in class today.

Teacher:  That's too bad.  I suggest you get comfy on your couch or your bed with a pillow under your foot, and then join us in class.  See you soon!

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5. Grandma's in the hospital

Student:  Sorry, I can't make class today.  I need to visit my Grandma in the hospital.

Teacher:  As if they'd let a visitor in the hospital!  HaHa!  Nice try!.  See you in class.   P.S.  I play on-line bridge with your Grandma and as of last night she was just fine :)

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6.  My kid is home.

Employee:  Sorry, I can't make it to work today, my kid is home today.

Employer:  Your kid is home everyday.  See you at work.

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7.  I have to go home.

College Student:   I won't be in class for a couple of days because I need to go home for a few days.

College professor at college #1:   You do know that if you go home you can't come back this semester? Right?

College professor at college #2:  You do know that you can still attend class from home?  Right?

College professor at college #3:  You do know that if you go home you'll have to quarantine for two weeks when you come back?  Right?

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8.  My car broke down.

Employee:   I can't come to work today.  My car broke down.

Employer:  Why is that even relevant?  You've been working from home for 10 months.

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9.  I got caught in traffic.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

See number 8.

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10.   I'm sick

Person:  Sorry I won't be to work/school/college today because I am sick, probably just a cold or allergies.

Employer:  OMG!  Do you think you have Covid?  Are you getting tested?  Our HR department will send you a link to all the sites near your house that are doing testing.   We will need you to get tested ASAP?  Have you been on site in the last two weeks?  Did you come in contact with anyone?  We need you to make a list of people you've been in contact with.   Judy from HR will be in touch with you shortly.

School:  OMG!  Do you think you have Covid?  What is your hybrid schedule?  What days do you come to school?  What classes are you in?  Who is in your pod?  You'll need to get tested before you come back and stay home for two weeks.   

College:  OMG!  Do you think you have Covid?  We will have to put you in the quarantine dorm.  You won't be able to leave the room at all, except to go to the bathroom.  We will deliver mediocre meals to your door three times a day if we remember.   We will test you every day and if you test positive you will have to quarantine longer and you absolutely cannot go home!