Corona Letters #48

 

I am the only one who qualifies every complaint I make about the inconveniences of this pandemic with a quick, "I know, I am lucky"?

As in,

"Darn it, it's raining, now I can't go for a bike ride.  I know, I'm lucky.  I have a bike and a place to ride it."

or 

"Oh Man!, it's raining and now my friends can't come over for a socially distanced get together.  I know, I'm lucky, I have friends, I have a big yard where we can gather in good weather, and we have plenty of seating for these get togethers."

or

"Oh Man!  We can't go on our usual vacation this year!  I know, I'm lucky, We have the money that we can afford to take a vacation every year, and we can survive a year without one."

Sometimes I say these things to another person, and sometimes I just mutter them under my breath.

I also remind myself numerous times a day, whenever I'm feeling like this whole thing sucks, which is a lot that, 

I have a house that is cool in the summer and warm in the winter.  

That house has a yard.

My husband has a job.

We have our health.

That's it.  That's all that matters.

So, when are we ever allowed to just say, "THIS SUCKS!!"?

Even as I write these words, I am feeling guilty because I know there are lots and lots and lots of people who have it worse than I do.

1.  The people who are actually sick.

2. The families of people who have died from this virus or anything else

3. People without work/jobs/money

4. People who have to worry about getting beat up or shot because of the color of their skin.

5. People who are on the front line every day Doctors/Nurses/EMTs/Teachers and everyone I'm forgetting

The list goes on and on.  These people are in my thoughts all the time.   

"Don't complain Deb, it could be worse."  The voice in my head plays on repeat all the damn time.  "It could be worse.  It could be worse.  It could be worse."

I ask my self, "Am I ever allowed to complain?'

And the voice says, "No!  Keep plugging"

To which I reply, "But, I don't want to do the pandemic anymore.....sigh...... I know, I'm lucky."

I mean are any of us really lucky to be living through this pandemic?

Have you ever been reading a history book about the plague, or ANY war, or the Great Depression and said, "Man, those people were lucky!".   No.  I don't think you did.

I guess survivors feel lucky.   They feel lucky that they came out of whatever misfortune befell them with their life intact.

It is a lucky thing indeed to be alive.

I know, I am lucky

(but can I just say that this sucks)