Corona Letters #42 - DECISIONS

There are a lot of really difficult decisions being made right now.  Decisions that are causing a lot of anguish for the decision makers.

Do I return to work or continue to work from home?  

Do I send my child to 4th grade or home school?

Do I send my college student back to campus or have them live at home and take all their classes on-line?

So many people are agonizing over these very questions, with very good reason.

There doesn't seem to be any right answer.   And, in truth, there isn't.  Maybe, just maybe, we are all fretting over the wrong decisions.   Sometimes it feels like whatever choice we make, it will have a huge impact on our, or our child's life, and to a certain degree this is true but maybe not for the reasons we think.

We are all worried that if we go to work, or send our child to school or college, that everyone we know and love will end up with coronavirus and our whole family unit will end up sick, forever incapacitated, or possibly dead.   This is a high stakes game.   It deserves careful consideration.

It's funny how we fret over these big decisions when in the end it is probably the smallest, quickest decisions that actually have the biggest impact on our lives.

We all know love stories that involve a last minute decision that ended up in life long love:

"I decided to go to a party at the last minute.  I was going to study for my GRE, but my roommate convinced me otherwise, and when I walked in, there he/she was and my life was forever changed."

"I stopped for a burger and the waitress ended up becoming my wife."

"I got on a plane to start a new life in San Francisco and sat next to a cute guy on the plane.  I spent exactly 48 hours in San Francisco and then flew with him to his hometown of Seattle for a weekend. I never left.  We've been married for 32 years now."

There are stories like this about careers too:

"I majored in Chemistry in college with every intention of being a chemist, and then a girl I was briefly dating took me to look through the campus telescope.   I felt the chemistry as soon as I saw the stars.   I broke up with the girl and became an astronomer."

"I was miserable being an accountant for 15 years, then one day I was passing an empty storefront and thought "that would be a great place for a pizza place" and so I quit accounting and opened a pizza place.   I'm not making as much money but I've been much happier with my piece of the pie."

Sending our kids to school or college, or dragging ourselves back to work is not what is going to get us/them sick.   It's the decisions that are made once we are there.   There are plenty of people in corona virus "hot spots" who aren't getting sick and mostly it's because of the little decisions they make every day.

The decision to wear a mask.

The decision to not go to the beach on a hot summer day.

The decision to not go to a nightclub on one's 21st birthday.

The decision to just stay home on a beautiful day.

I guess in the end we are all weighing what kind of decision makers we are, and our children are, in order to make the big decision.

"Is my 6 year old likely to take off her mask at school?"

"Is my 9 year old going to be able to not touch his friends?"

"Is my 12 year old going to swap food in the cafeteria?"

"Is my 16 year old going to make out with his/her significant other?"

"Is my 17 year old high school senior going to go to a grad party where no one is wearing masks?"

"Is my 18 year old college freshman going to be enticed by frat parties?"

"Is my 19 year old going to wear their mask to the laundry room in the basement?"

What kind of decisions will they make?  How much of it is in their control?  What if their friends/roommates aren't as good at making decisions?

Perhaps this isn't helpful.  Perhaps I am making you, the reader, more stressed.

I suppose what I am saying is that maybe the best decisions aren't what we think they are.  The decisions aren't necessarily about where we or our children will be the safest.  The decision is about what kind of decisions will be made once the environment has been chosen, not just by ourselves and our children but by everyone around us.

There is the macro decision and then the hundreds, if not thousands, of micro decisions that will follow.  The algorithm for this particular problem is filled with twists and turns that can only be predicted by looking at the decision maker, not the decision.   Are we likely to go in the direction of safety or danger?

Perhaps instead of looking at our schools and workplaces and what they are going to do to keep us safe, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves for the truest, most realistic answer.

That's where you will find your decision.