Corona Letters #41

I'm in North Dakota right now.

Yes.  You read that right.

I'm in North Dakota.

My oldest daughter is moving here for work and I helped her move, so I'm here.  But, this blog isn't about her, and her life, that's her business after all.   It's about being in North Dakota.

When I was in my 20s I lived in NYC.   I LOVED living in NYC.   I'm sorry kids, but it was the most fun I ever had.    I had great friends, a satisfying job and a cute boyfriend (now my cute husband).  I had very few responsibilities other than showing up at work and paying the few bills that I had.    Despite the fact that I was so happy, every now and then I would take the train to my parents house in Connecticut and feel my body relax.   The thing about living in NYC is that it's hard to let your guard down.  As a woman in my 20s I was always hyper aware of my surroundings, on the street, on the subway and everywhere in between.   It wasn't a tension I felt but I sure did feel it leave my body as soon as the train left the city limits and the sight of trees and peaks of ocean drained my body of stress and filled me with peace.

Now back to North Dakota.

Before my daughter and I came out here we, like everyone else, were living the pandemic life back home.

Unlike my days in NYC, I was well aware that this was not a fun time, even going to the grocery store was a stressor.   We lived in a house with five people,  including my elderly mother-in-law who suffers from dementia.   Every day presented a new set of stressors.   But it was my life, our life, and to a certain degree there was an unawareness of the stress level.   

We live in a fairly densely populated area that has been hit hard by this virus.   Every outing is given careful consideration.  Is this necessary?  Is this safe?  Do I have my mask, my wipes, my hand sanitizer?

At the current time, this is the reality for our community.   I feel fortunate that most of the people in our area are careful as well and the kind of people who refuse to wear a mask are few and far between.   I can't think of any instances where I felt that someone else put my health in jeopardy with a disregard for the rules.

I wish I could say that driving out to North Dakota was like the train to Connecticut but it wasn't. That trip was stressful in it's own way.  There were rest stops to contend with and hotels to stay in and that required a certain amount of vigilance.   As we travelled west, it was evident that people were not as concerned as we were about the pandemic but it was also obvious that the respective state governments were taking a firmer stance about mask wearing.  In a Minnesota hotel, the receptionist was complaining to us that since the past Saturday it had been mandated that people wear masks in public places like grocery stores, and, well, hotel lobbies.   This was new to them and it was obvious they felt their liberties had been taken away (I must add that they were complying, albeit grumpily).  My daughter and I just stared at each other dumbfounded.   They were upset that they've had to wear masks since..... Saturday?  Wow.  No words.

Arriving in Bismarck wasn't my train to Connecticut either.   We were trying to set up a new life for my daughter in a city that is struggling with the idea of this pandemic.   Masks are new here too and not welcome.    I don't want to get into politics but I've seen some masks with some very clear messages of discontent about the current situation.   Being here made me realize how hard my home state is trying to keep us safe and I appreciate that so much.    Yes there are masks, but there isn't a whole lot of sanitizing going on so there is an element of risk every time we go out.  Its a bit stressful, but it's manageable.

The train to Connecticut, and it's ability to take my stress away, always kind of took me by surprise and the experience was no different here.   Once my daughter and I had settled her in a bit here, we decided to take a day trip to the North Dakota Badlands, Theodore Roosevelt National Park.   We drove and looked at Bison, wild horses, and cute little prairie dogs popping their heads up from the dirt.   When you're in places like this, it makes you feel insignificant and small in the scheme of things.   The world will go on, with our without us, that is for sure.

I realized I was on "the train" when we were on the two hour drive back to Bismarck from the park.   Apparently, there had been a grad party back at home that had created a Covid cluster in our home town.   Several of my friends and some family texted me to alert me to the situation.   And it was creating a whole new flurry of "How are we ever going to send our kids back to school? College?"worries.   I do have a college student back home, so these concerns are definitely in my wheel house.   I should very much be jumping on that band wagon,  

But here I was looking at the vast North Dakota sky, feeling like a blip in human history.  I had just witnessed majestic animals roaming in a landscape that was truly awe-inspiring.   The worries of daily life were momentarily gone and suddenly I was aware of how much I had been in their grip.    I was totally on the train.

I know this is temporary and maybe a bit foolish to let go of some of my worries, but rest assured we are still taking precautions and being safe, but it sure does feel nice to be on the train for a while.

As I text and talk to friends and family back home, I can hear their stress so clearly now.  This life we are all living at this time in history is a very hard one, and demands so much from us.   There are so many uncertainties and risks that need careful consideration on a daily basis.  There never seems to be a right answer or choice.   No one wants to get sick, or see someone they love get sick, this is the source behind all our worry.  It consumes our daily lives.

I am not saying everyone should escape to North Dakota.   That just isn't practical.    But there are certainly local trains too, a trip to the beach, or the woods, a yoga class or just climbing a mountain can do wonders for one's mental health.

As for me, I'll be riding this train as long as I can, until the conductor demands I get off.   I hope you'll find your own personal depot and join me for a loop or two.   I think you'll agree that it is pleasant to just look out the window for a while and let the world pass you by for a bit.

All Aboard!!!!