Corona Letters #30

Mother's Day is exactly two weeks from today.

You are probably thinking, "Why do I need to think about Mother's Day when it's two weeks away?  That is what the Saturday before Mother's Day is for, or even the Sunday morning of Mother's Day."

I'm here to tell you that if you are sharing a household with a mother, especially the mother of young children, this year a simple card will NOT do.

I am not going to direct this post to Dads specifically because I am "woke"(as the kids say) and realize families come in all forms these days.   So, if you are living with someone who takes on the role of "Mom" in your house, this post is for YOU!

Here are some ideas for Mother's Day gifts in no particular order.

1.  A tricked out She shed.   I realize that this is a relatively pricey gift, but if you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Here are some she shed specs that you can follow:

1. She shed is for she alone.  No kids.  No husband(or significant other).  No in-laws.  No pets (unless they are super cute and Mom wants them with her).  
2. Fully stocked bar with mixers.  You know what she likes.
3. NO kitchen (she's not cooking for anyone but Mom in here), but a microwave and a fridge (stocked with ice-cream and foods that are usually eaten by other family members so Mom never gets a chance to eat them because she always says "No.  You have it.")
4. A single bed (and no this doesn't mean a cozy bed for two).   She shed is for she alone.
5. A bathroom with a soaking tub that is hers and hers alone.   And, NO ONE is allowed to use this bathroom to poop, except for her, of course.  Note:  That soaking tub would be perfect with some lovely bath bombs from one of those bath stores (plenty of time for on-line shopping, just sayin')
6. No wi-fi and no means to contact the she within (unless she wants it) and a bookshelf full of all the books she's collected over the years  and never has had time to read.
7. Lots of chocolate

2.  Make the kids disappear.   If you have a Mom in your house who has been doing lots of homeschooling and entertaining the little ones 24/7, chances are she needs a break from her beloved cherubs.   It turns out that gas is really cheap right now.   So, fill your car up with gas, kids, and enough goldfish crackers and juice to sustain you and the kids for a while and just drive away, drive far, far away.  Drive to the Canadian border and back for goodness sake (oh, and don't forget the portable potty)

3.  A box of cleaning supplies and toilet paper.   I know. I know.  All the Moms reading this are like "HELL NO" but be patient.  Chances are that the Mom in your house has spent the last couple months driving all over kingdom come to find cleaning supplies to keep you and your little ones virus free.  Also.  Toilet Paper.  She drove to Kansas to get toilet paper.  Now it's your turn.  Do your homework.  Go on all the Facebook pages to see where one can find Lysol wipes, baby wipes, disinfecting spray (please don't ingest) and toilet paper.  This takes time and dedication.  You can do it.   Now, here comes the part that makes this a true Mother's Day gift.   Give her this box with one of those coupon books.  This has to be legit.   Some coupon ideas could be a promise to disinfect all incoming groceries for the next two weeks, to disinfect the kitchen every night, to yell at the UPS guy if he comes closer than 6 feet from the front door, "Drop the package dude", to make masks for the entire family (yes, even the dog - they can get it too you know), to take on homeschooling for a week, and whatever else you think she might want.  And no, you do not get to put "give your partner a back rub" in there.

4.  Gift certificates to local restaurants.  This is actually a really good idea.   Talk to some of the partners of the Mom's besties and arrange for a night out,  some unknown day in the future when restaurants are open again.   Buy gift certificates for the same LOCAL restaurant for all of them and give this with the promise of a night out, without the kids, without anyone but Mom's besties.  Mom

 will love this.  I promise.(hint, hint)

5.  An itinerary of a perfect day or a perfect trip.  This could be romantic, or practical.  We have all been stuck inside for way too long.  Chances are that the Mom in your house has been fantasizing about where she would go when this is all over.    If you've been paying attention, or you have the ability to check her browsing history (and just ignore all those searches on how to "runaway during quarantine" or "how old is "too old" to put your kids up for adoption"), create a perfect itinerary for her, with the promise of making it happen someday in the not to distant future.  This could be for something as simple as a day trip to the beach with lobster rolls and ice-cream or something as complicated as a two week trip to Barcelona for a milestone anniversary.  Do some research on restaurants, hotels, and whatever else might be included and make it real as it can be.

6.  Ask Mom how Mom wants to spend the day, and do it.  Chances are that the Mom in your life has been bending over backwards the last couple months to make sure everyone in your house is happy, fed and virus free.   This Mother's Day ask Mom "What do you want to do today?" and after you pick her up off the floor, just DO IT!  Sometimes Mom just wants a walk with the family, or to play a family game, or eat a dinner that she hasn't cooked.   It might not be much at all, and tbh she might be a bit shocked when you ask her "What do you want to do today?"   She might say, "Wait.  What?" or "Me?  Are you talking to Me?"

Follow through is important with this one.  If Mom wants to take a family walk, then the family walks, with no complaints, and looking with great interest at all the flowers and animals she points out along the way, "Do you see that duck?  Isn't he the most darling duck?"  "Yes!(with great enthusiasm) that is indeed the MOST darling duck we've ever seen!" (remember there is a fine line between enthusiasm and mockery, practice in the mirror a few times).   This one requires little money but must involve agreement of positive attitude from all involved family members.

That's all the ideas I have for now.

In all seriousness, If you are a Mom who is reading this, and you have young children, really, I have so much admiration for you.   And, if your family doesn't step up to the plate this year, just know that every Mom who has ever Mom'ed is thinking, "God Bless the mother's of young children" during this time.

We know.  We understand.  We are with you in solidarity.

Happy Mother's Day!