Corona Letters #29

Dear Fellow Quarantiners,

It's been an interesting week, so I thought I'd ask my resident scientist some questions over cocktails.

Me:   Good Evening Dr. Lee.   Can you tell my audience a thing or two about your educational background, like how many years did you go to grad school, what degree you have, and your post-doc experience.  I have my reasons for asking these questions.

Dr. Lee:  Happy to do so, and happy Friday!  Let's see, I got my PhD in Microbiology in 1993, from NYU Medical Center, where I worked in the lab of the famed virologist Jan Vilcek.  He has a really amazing history, which I'm sure your readers would love to hear about, but maybe another time.  I went on to do my post-doctoral work at Harvard Medical School, in the Paul Anderson lab, where I studied how certain immune cells work.

Me:  So, it's safe to say you had a pretty stellar education?

Dr. Lee:  Stellar.  Stellar!

Me:  And, in any time doing research at both NYU and Harvard, did it every occur to you or these incredible immunologists to inject people with disinfectant?  And, why not?

Dr. Lee:  Sigh... It didn't occur to me when I was in 4th grade to do something so stupid.  Seriously, it really doesn't take a PhD to know that injecting bleach or Lysol into your body is a bad thing to do.  We can laugh - or cry - at the absolutely insane and inane things that our president feels the need to spew out, but here's the thing - a majority of Americans today have a very poor grasp of science, and math, and engineering.  And many Americans distrust science, and scientists.  How did that happen?  It certainly didn't start with Trump, but he is emblematic of this slide into stupidity.  Sadly, he does absolutely nothing to change this attitude, and whether it's because of misguided political calculation, or a real deficit in his own mental capacity, his example - through tweets, through press conferences, through rallies - only serve to congratulate and excuse stupidity.  Can't we do better?  Germany's chancellor, Angela Merkel, has a graduate degree in physical chemistry, and both understands and appreciates the work of scientists, and the progress that they've made.  That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Me:  It does sound good.   Believing in science has gotten us pretty far.  People used to love vaccinations because they didn't want such dreadful diseases but now people want to believe scientists and people who work in "Big Pharma" such as yourself are just out to get people.  Is that true?  Do you just want to get people sick so you can sell them your drugs?

Dr. Lee:  Umm, no.  Let's see - our company (a big German biopharma), as well as others, have developed drugs which harness the immune system to fight a variety of cancers.  This class of drugs is often called "checkpoint inhibitors" - they prevent tumors from putting the breaks on the immune system.  And they work.  You might remember a few years ago, President Jimmy Carter was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  This kind of cancer is very difficult to treat, and his prognosis was grim.  After taking one of these checkpoint inhibitors (not ours), his tumor essentially went away, and he's now busy building houses.  Amazing!  So - did we somehow put a tumor in President Carter's head, just so we could cure him?  I go back to what I said earlier - Americans are getting stupid.

Me:  And dare I mention the protesters, who have been making a lot of noise this week? Talk about stupid.   Why do you think these people think they are above this virus?  Above the healthcare workers advising them to stay home?  Above the police telling them to stay at home?

Dr. Lee: Stupid.  Look, if you want to get sick and die - it's a free country.  Just make sure you don't infect the vulnerable segments of the population, and make sure you don't clog up the already struggling health care system.  Since the "liberators" (gag) aren't likely to follow these common sense actions, how about listening to scientists, doctors, and health care professionals who are urging us to stay home?  Oh right, they're stupid.  By the way, please don't cite the Sweden model.  The Sweden model of accelerating herd immunity, while perhaps a bit aggressive (and possibly flawed), relies on people being smart.  No risk of that here!

Me:  Oh Man.  I was just going to ask about the Swedish model (and I would've you expected you to make some joke about a bikini-wearing Swede, so I guess that joke isn't going to happen now, and I realize now that you called it the Sweden model which completely eliminates the opportunity for that joke anyway.  Way to be a buzzkill).   I think the Sweden model will be talked about for years to come, either as a failure or as a success.   That has yet to be seen yet.  I think we can all agree that IKEA is a good thing though, right?

Dr. Lee:  I like the meatballs!  And no comment on Swedish models.

Me:  You're a smart man.  On both counts.   Before we go, is there anything that you want to say to defend science to the non-believers?

Dr. Lee:  I get it, science is hard.  It's hard!  But it's also the way forward, the way to crawl out of the dark ages and into the light.  You don't have to be a scientist, or a nerd, to appreciate scientific progress, and how we understand the world around us.  And no one will think less of you, or think that you're a worse president than your predecessor (ahem) if you admit that you don't know the answer, but trust that the experts do.  I certainly don't claim to know everything - like most scientists, I know a bit more about a very narrow topic than most people, but not much more than that.  But I do trust other scientists, and engineers, and technicians.  It lets me drive my car with confidence.  It lets me reap the benefits of fast wireless communication without fear that 5G is giving me coronavirus (smh).  It keeps me from injecting bleach into my lungs.  And no, I don't think Trump was being sarcastic when he said that - I think that he is stupid.  And if he was being sarcastic?  Also stupid - sarcasm, from the leader of the free world during a press conference addressing a global pandemic?  Beyond stupid.  Asinine.

Me:  Agreed.  Sarcasm is not necessary at this juncture.   If he's being serious, he's stupid.  If he's being sarcastic it's even stupider (grammatical error intended).   He's dumb and dumber all rolled into one.   Thank you for your time tonight Dr. Lee.   Care to join me in another round of Mai Tais?

Dr. Lee: I could use one.  And pass the Swedish meatballs!

Me:  Yes, and we'll leave the Swedish models in Sweden.