Corona Letters # 18

Dear Fellow Quarantiners,

There are no plans.

This is a weird way to live.

We need plans.

I think many of us are making plans for things we don't normally make plans for just because we need to have at least a little structure.

We plan our meals down to the most trivial detail, "Should we have Brussel sprouts or green beans next Tuesday?   Which would go better with that, water or seltzer?  Do you prefer blackberry or raspberry seltzer?  In a glass or in a can?

We all need to feel like we have just a little bit of control.

I remember many years ago going to bed on a bitterly cold, February night and my head was swimming with all I needed to do the next day.  The girls were at that age where they were involved in many activities, every day, that they needed to be driven to, and had to have all the right gear for, and sometimes these activities were in two different towns at the same time.   My husband would be at work so it was all on me.   I don't remember what the next day entailed but I do remember feeling somewhat panic stricken about how I would get it all done.  Then, the next day, something miraculous happened.   It snowed.  It snowed a lot.  School, work, activities, they were all suddenly cancelled.   A day that had me fretting with worry all night was completely free.  It was a gift.  The girls slept in, my husband and I had a nice morning coffee, there was snow play during the day and I'm sure a nice big pot of soup for dinner.
It was a bonus day.   I still remember it fondly.   It was a welcome respite from a much too busy life.

BUT, and this is a big but, It was ONE glorious day and the next day our busy life resumed right on schedule.

Currently, we are waking up to this reality day after day and I've heard more than one person refer to it as "Groundhog Day", and we all know the swirl of emotions Bill Murray went through in that movie.  We are all experiencing that now.

Some days we are grateful.  Some days we are angry.  Some days we want to hit people.  Some days we feel lost.  Some days we silently cry.   Some days we hide in the bathroom to escape our families. Some days we feel lucky to be quarantined with the people we love the most in the world.

It depends on the day.

When my college-aged daughter first came home from school she kept asking the "W" questions.  "When will I go back to school?"  "Will will my summer job start?"  "Will I get to go abroad?" "When will I see my friends again?" "When will this end?"

She doesn't ask anymore because she knows our answer will just be, "We just don't know."

All plans have fallen by the wayside for now.

Birthdays, Passover, Easter, and Anniversaries will all be low key affairs.   There will be no trips in the near future.   We won't be renting any houses in Maine for a summer getaway.   We won't be taking a trip to Barcelona for our 25th anniversary.   We don't know if our daughter will be spending next semester in Denmark, heck, we don't know if she'll be spending it in Waltham.   There are just NO plans.

On my good "Groundhog Days" I think that there will be other years, other chances.  Why not go on a big trip for your 26th anniversary?   Maine will always be there for summer getaways.   We have family in Denmark so we can all go visit anytime.  And Waltham?  It's just 30 minutes away!

But then there are the bad "Groundhog Days".  These are the days I watch the videos on social media of nurses, in all their gear, begging us to all stay at home because they have seen what this virus can do to a person and staying home is a much better option than ending up in a refrigerated truck with a bunch of other corpses.  Much better.

So, we continue to make no plans.  We fret over whether to use parsley as garnish on next Wednesday's roast because it lets us feel like we have SOME control.

At the very least, it gives us hope that we will be eating dinner next Wednesday.

May we all be eating dinner next Wednesday.

Deb