Corona Letters #14

Dear Fellow Quarantiners,

This is letter #14 which means that I've been doing this for two weeks.   A lot has changed in two weeks.   I'm a lot less interested in numbers now.     I think at this point most people I communicate with are more focused on the fear of getting the virus (or someone they love getting it), dealing with isolation and trying to make the best of it, and doing everything possible to keep their home environment safe.   We will have a discussion with this last item later in the week with the esteemed Dr. Lee.

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Thank you to the Doctors

There are so many people to thank during this time.   Every day as I toil to keep my loved ones safe in our home, I think of all the people who intentionally go out to the "front line" and put themselves (and possibly their loved ones) at risk.

Today is National Doctor day so today I'll thank the doctors.

I cannot even imagine what they are witnessing every day and the decisions they have to make that literally could make a life or death decision for their patients.   They are exhausted, Ill-equipped (thanks Mr. President) and many of them are keeping a safe distance from their own families to keep them safe.

I could link a thousand videos here of doctors telling battles stories,  working in hospitals without proper gear, or just warning us all over and over again to "Stay at Home".  But, I think we've all seen those videos.

Thank you Doctors.    Thank you will never be enough.

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This morning I read something on Facebook from an unknown Indian Doctor.   I don't like to post things without attributing them properly but I really like these words, and if someone can find whose words they are, I will gladly give the proper attribution.

We are so lucky to be able to socially distance.   As I mentioned above, there are so many people who put themselves at risk every day by choice.   But, not all of us have to do that.  We can keep our most vulnerable and ourselves safe.   If we can see that as the gift that it is, maybe it will be more bearable.

Here is one link about the situation in India.

We are lucky indeed.

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On a philosophical note,

I have come to realize that I fear grief way more than I fear death.  This experience has solidified that for me, and I wonder how other's feel about this.  Do you fear grief or death more?

When I was a kid during the Cold War we had exercises where we would hide under desks to protect ourselves from a nuclear war.   Even as a kid, I realized this exercise was ridiculous.  If a nuclear bomb dropped nearby we would all be dead very quickly.   But, that didn't scare me, because pretty much everyone I knew and loved would be dead, and that gave me comfort.  In fact, I had a plan to go towards the nuclear bomb instead of away from it if that day ever came because I would rather be dead than turn green, have no hair, and have my eyeballs melt from my head (that's what nuclear bombs did, right) and without everyone I loved.

I always feel more comfortable when our family flies all together than separately because if there were a crash, we'd all die at once and no one would be left behind to grieve. Phew!

I was telling this to my daughter one day and she said to me, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'd rather be alive then be dead with you."  Okay then.

Hmm.  She chooses grief over death.

I choose death.   Every time.

The way I see it, when we die, one of two things will happen, either:

1. Nothing.  We are just "gone"

2. We will go to some version of heaven (I don't really believe in Hell but that's my personal belief)

I don't see either of these options as all that bad.   But, for the people left behind, there is quite a burden to carry.

I suppose some people don't fear grief because it is the price we all pay for loving someone so much.

I would still run right into the bomb.

(Please don't worry I am not in the least bit suicidal)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

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Okay, so this is what happens when I blog 14 days in a row.  I get wayyyy too philosophical.

I'm sure the apocalyptic poems aren't far behind.

Take Care!  Stay Connected!  Stay Virus Free!

Deb